Honoring Loved Ones Who Have Passed: Who to Include & Who to Leave Out

Honoring my Father (Brooke Mattingly Photography)

You have your venue, date, vendors and even your dress, but something still feels missing. Imagining your big day without such special people by your side is one of the hardest parts of planning a wedding. My father passed away when I was only 11, so I've had several years to wrap my mind around the fact that he would never be here to walk me down the aisle, or to meet his grandchildren. The older I got, the harder those harsh facts were to swallow. I knew that I couldn't leave him out of the wedding just because he was not physically here, so I did a couple of things to honor him!

First, it was extremely important to me that my dad would have "his chair" during the ceremony. My mom saved one of his favorite flannel shirts, so I planned to have that draped across the back of the chair. He also joined the Navy at 18, so when he passed, Naval officers were at his services to fold the flag that covered his casket, and present it to my mom. She put it in a beautiful wooden flag shadow box, and I knew it had to go on his chair as well. The cherry on top was to put one of my favorite pictures of him in a frame. My Uncle Todd, (my dad's brother), took the black and white photo of my dad fishing at Mariner Point Park in Joppatowne, Maryland when they were younger. To say my dad loved to fish is a total understatement, so this photo was perfect. I am so thankful for Brad's sister, Brooke, whom took the time to set up his chair before the ceremony. It looked even better than I imagined, and I know my dad would have loved it!

***To assemble the chair in his memory cost about $4. I purchased a dollar frame from the Dollar Tree and painted it with white spray paint that I already had. I had the picture printed at Walgreens for less than $3. The shirt and flag were of course free since we already had them.***

Next, I wanted to have a table inside the Manor to honor family members who have passed....but who do you include, and who do you leave out? I don't know how to say this without it sounding super insensitive in type, but trying to honor every family member that has passed is a never ending rabbit hole. If you choose to honor your Great Aunt Lucy, then your Aunt Sue is offended that you didn't honor her father, your Great Uncle Bob. Brad and I made the executive decision to stick strictly to immediate family, such as parents and siblings. With that in mind, we honored my father as well as my little brother, Shaylen. He too passed away too soon at the age of 13. The table inside had photos of both Shaylen and my dad, Barry, as well as a sign with a quote and a lit candle for each of them. (The items that were on my dad's chair were brought inside and placed on the table immediately following the ceremony.)

A table inside the Manor honoring our family members who have passed. (Photo by Alicia Black)

The sign has a quote from a Justin Moore song that says, "We know you would be here today if Heaven wasn't so far away." Luckily I already had the board laying around, so I was able to rout the edges and stain it before creating a decal to place on it. I also had a clear plastic photo frame in front, which I placed a decal on, stating their names and relation to me.

This is simply a clear self standing photo frame from the Dollar Tree with a custom vinyl decal on top. (Photo by Carolyn Fox)

***The table remembrance cost me about $12 in total. I bought 4 wooden frames, one clear self standing frame and one metal photo stand from the Dollar Tree for a total of $6. The white vinyl cost me about $2. The four photos cost me about $4 in total. A family friend gave me a bunch of candles to use for the wedding, so the two on the table were free!***

Finally, the last way I was able to honor my father came completely unexpected to me. I asked my Uncle Patrick to walk me down the aisle being that he is my dad's brother. At the rehearsal, he gave me a small gift bag and card to open. The card of course made me cry, but the gift made me bawl my eyes out. He gave me a beautiful bouquet necklace with a beautiful charm. The front side had a photo of my dad, and the back side had a tear jerking quote that basically said that my dad was here to walk me down the aisle too. The day of the wedding, when Brooke and I were assembling my bouquet, we were able to wrap it beautifully around the stems so that my dad could partake in giving me away too. I am so thankful that my aunt and uncle thought to have that gift made. It was perfect.

***I am not sure of the exact company that they ordered the bouquet charm from, but I found one on Esty that looks almost identical! https://www.etsy.com/listing/230532043/wedding-bouquet-charm-custom-photo-and?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=bouquet+photo+charm+dad&ref=sr_gallery-1-5&organic_search_click=1&pro=1 ***

My bouquet with the photo charm of my dad. (Photo by me!)

In conclusion, I was able to honor my father and brother in a tasteful way, and it did not cost me more than $20 to do so. Although Brad and I chose to stick to immediate family, you should trust your heart and honor those of your choosing. If you're planning a wedding while missing your loved ones, take comfort in knowing you are not alone. I am familiar with the hurt you are feeling, but know, when you are in the midst of the wedding, you will not feel sad, only bliss and joy.

xoxo

Gabby