Why it is OK to Disinvite Your Maid of Honor 10 Days Before Your Wedding

Our beautiful wedding party! (Brooke Mattingly Photography)

Catchy title right? I bet you're so excited to read this one, because let's face it, we all love juicy details!! I know the main purpose of my blog is to explain how I kept my wedding on a rather tight budget... But- I think it's just as important and even beneficial to relate with the many ups and downs that are involved in wedding planning. When you face challenging wedding tasks or "road blocks," just know you are not alone. My goal is to help keep you on a budget, all while keeping you SANE along the way. ...So why did I disinvite my maid of honor (MOH) from the wedding, only 10 short days prior? Keep reading to find out!

First of all, I'm sure some of you noticed that mayyybeee someone in particular was missing from my wedding photos. I mean after all, we were best friends since middle school. However, for those of you who do not know her, out of respect she shall remain nameless. The point of this article is not to bash her or to divulge her flaws, because let's face it- we all have them. The point is to show you that if you feel someone is not truly there for you, you do not need them standing next to you on one of the most important days of your life.

Let's get started, shall we? Rewind back to about 10th grade. My best friend and I promised that we would be each other's maid of honors some day. I also thought I would be an ophthalmologist living in a mansion by now too, so clearly, things do not always turn out the way we thought they would back when we were only 15.

Now, fast forward to choosing my bridesmaids and Brad's groomsmen. I knew I wanted all of my sisters, my niece, my cousin and a few close friends in the wedding. One of those friends was my maid of honor. Brad wanted all of his brothers, his cousin and some friends. It was a great lineup of guys and girls! Or so we thought...

During the entire wedding planning process, your MOH has a few duties that are expected with the title and typically would unselfishly go above and beyond to help keep you at the least sane. Don't get me wrong, I'm a control freak and prefer to do 90% of things myself, but not once did she offer to help with the wedding until we were in the 30 day countdown... Let's flashback to the bridal shower. My mom offered her house as a venue to my maid of honor and bridesmaids, so they could save money and they accepted. My mom made it clear that the girls were in charge of planning, (as tradition calls for), and that she would provide a clean house and would gladly make a dish or two to contribute.

Somehow, my maid of honor dropped the ball, if that's what you want to call it, and my mom ended up having to spend almost $400 on food and made most of it herself. My lovely bridesmaids each showed up with a dish(es), and even helped set up/clean up. My maid of honor? She brought one container of orange juice and one bottle of champagne to make mimosas. There wasn't even enough for everybody. Please keep in mind that i’m not a terrible person and I was willing to look past that because I know weddings can be expensive and she has her own stuff going on, so I overlooked it. Here is where things really started to go south:

After the shower was over, all of the girls were supposed to take me to dinner, and then to the spa the next day so we could all get a massage or even just a pedicure, in place of a bachelorette party. I don't like to have more than a few drinks, so I didn't want to go out to a bar, and I didn't want the girls to spend a ton of money so I didn't ask for a trip to the beach. The MOH is of course in charge of planning and executing bachelorette parties, but she comes up to me in the middle of the shower and says, "I don't think any of the girls can go, so we have to cancel your dinner and spa day." ....What?... Then as soon as the shower ends, she doesn't even offer to help clean up, she just leaves to go pick up her son.

Long story short, she didn't plan any sort of bachelorette activity for me, so my sister made sure to take me and the other girls out to dinner and to grab a couple drinks. My MOH was nowhere to be found because she said her "son was sick." She called me a few weeks later and told on herself, (without realizing), that she was actually with a guy instead. Great maid of honor right? Some other things came to light during that phone call, and I started to see that she just simply was not the person I thought she was. I decided that it would be best to disinvite her from the wedding entirely, so I called her the next day to break the news.

Honestly, most of me did not want to write this article because i'm truly indifferent to the whole situation now. I haven't heard from her since, and I'm ok with that. Not one piece of me is upset, angry or heartbroken. Just nothing. That's how I know in my heart that I've made way too many excuses for the way she's treated me throughout the years. If your "best friend" starts calling you fat in 11th grade because you went from a size 3 jeans to a size 5, or, when you're at lunch at school and she starts analyzing what you packed to look for the unhealthy things, or even when she forgets your birthday because she's too busy hanging out with a guy that she set you up with, the odds are, she's not your best friend. In fact, she's not a friend at all.

If you're as blind as I was, don't worry, weddings have a way of bringing out people's true nature. You quickly find out who is there for you and who is not. I truly hope none of you have to disinvite wedding party members or even guests, but if you feel it's the right thing to do, trust your gut. I could have easily followed through with her as my maid of honor, but every wedding photo or memory would have made me cringe knowing that she stood next to me and it was all a lie. One thing I refuse to be is fake, so the decision was easy. Just know, if you're in the same position, it's not too late. It takes a true badass to standup for themselves, and not simply take the easy way out. Remember, you choose your circle: "Sometimes it decreases in size, but it increases in value."

xoxo

Gabby